My Word is My Bond
We continued a rich discussion of likes and dislikes and the polarized state of the emotions. We see that our emotions are either for or against, attracted or repelled, and only occasionally do we experience a reconciliation that affords not dispassion, but genuine tenderness of feeling and a degree of free, unconditional regard.
One observation that seemed to resonate with everyone in the group had to do with noticing reactions to events unfolding in the domains of politics, economics, behaviour of state actors, etc. We all felt the reality of reacting to events we hear about from the news. Is a feeling of dismay or even horror at what unfolds a "dislike" in the emotional dyad like any other? Or is it an important, and objective recoiling from something objectively heinous or evil?
In the sense of our work the aim is to cultivate an awareness that is impartial, that observes, even when another part is suffering in reaction. This, we have seen, is the part that can answer the question about what is a reaction for ourselves. With this observation we may see that reactions, including those triggered by far away events known through news reports about which I can do nothing practical, provide material for work.
Can I use the force of the reaction to become more deeply present in myself; and by extension more deeply connect and harmonize with others in my circle? It doesn't mean what I am reacting to is not wrong or should be ignored. It is more a question of making use of the reaction to be active in myself. A result (or perhaps side-effect) of transforming the force of reactions into energy for my inner work is to begin to be able, through the struggle to work on myself, to serve as an influence of consciousness and peace, even in ways I cannot know or see.
We also spoke about inner and outer considering. The inner form being based in imagination about others and imagination about ourselves in relation to others. Inner considering may be impelled by vanity, self-love, and the craving to remain calm. We are concerned with how we look, what others think of us, avoiding or provoking reactions. In this state, even when we try to be helpful to others we are operating from our own self-image rather than seeing who and what is really needed.
Outer considering is of a different order, arising from another level of consciousness. This rare glimpse of true seeing requires that I enjoy a moment of clear observation and separation (not dissociation) from my own state and associations. Then perhaps I may catch a glimpse of who or what is in front of me and serve a real need. In many cases it is clear that the best I can do is give attention, listen, and work to be present in the company of others.
How to be considerate of others in a way that is not driven by the projections of personality but makes contact in a real way?
In this direction we came to the practice of keeping our word. With our word we make a sound, and then have the possibility of actualizing that sound in our deeds. We are afforded the chance to see the different "I"s, the ones that say something in a moment of enthusiasm, and the ones that no longer feel like it later. In this sense our word is our bond. This is to say our word affords the possibility of serving as a bond between disparate parts of our own nature; and may even be the cement that builds real relationships with others. These real relationships are not based on likes and dislikes, preferences and opinions, but on the basis of words consciously spoken and fulfilled.
To be clear, the practice of keeping your word is not about morality or ethics or character-building. It is a practice to be undertaken, if you wish, in the direction of self-observation and self-remembering.